#StudyingSociety: “Would you date a woman with an Afro? “

#StudyingSociety: “Would you date a woman with an Afro? “

Seriously, social media is full of people asking stupid questions!! It makes me sad…

The other day, as I was scrolling through my Instagram’s explorer page and I saw this picture with 3 photos of the (same) (gorgeous) woman with her hair in a MASSIVE Afro. It came with the question: “would you date a woman with an Afro?”… yeah, SAME!
I want to rephrase the question for them: would you date a woman with her 4c hair in its natural state?

Because really that’s the question they asked. I think they didn’t realise that a black woman with an Afro is like a Caucasian woman with her hair brushed down. It is nothing else but a NATURAL hairstyle.

My Afro is what my hair looks like when I comb it out. The same way, I could easily have braids, cornrows, bantu knots, twists and all this kind of jazzy hairstyles.

Cut us some slacks. You are not dating a woman for her hairstyle. If it is the case, well… let me tell you about that deception that is coming your way very fast. The afro can and will most likely change.
Now, it could well be that they were talking about natural hair in general. Maybe they amalgamated the two terms “Afro” and “natural hair”. In this case, it would be a whole other discussion for another day. Again, I could rephrase it in many ways to show the person how thick they sound.

 

Excuse me but I get really sensitive when it comes to black women with 4c hair… especially the bashing of it.

 

So please, I’m begging you, wear your hair with all the pride in the world. This hair came out of your scalp- own the life out of it! Please!

 

I could go on and on on this topic but that’s not what we are trying to do!

Thank you for reading and until next time, be empowered, always queen with the big crown…. I see you babe!

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#StudyingSociety: Please don’t tell me you “don’t see colour”

This is such a poor excuse to anything and in any situation. I don’t want to hear this ever again, from anyone and this is why:

Please don’t tell me you “don’t see colour” as soon as I start to flaunt my melanin.

Please don’t tell me you “don’t see colour” when I want to create a safe space for people who are the same colour as me.

Please don’t tell me you “don’t see colour” because you feel excluded from said safe space.

Please don’t tell me you “don’t see colour” because you think “we are all humans”: did you or your people and forefathers not know we were all humans when they excluded us from everything possible? Did they not know that when they treated people of colour as sub-humans?

My colour upsets you because I celebrate it.

Because I see my flaws and accept them.

Yes we’re all humans but we are all different. Wether you like it or not, this colour that you “don’t see” is one of our differences.

Please don’t tell me you “don’t see colour”. How can you “not see colour”? Are you you colourblind?

Please don’t tell me you “don’t see colour” only when it is convenient for you to say so.

See my colour but don’t treat me as a lesser person because of it.

See my colour and still give me the job because I have the skills and knowledge.

See my colour and give me the treatment that I deserve.

Don’t you ever tell me that you “don’t see colour”- especially because you are trying to be politically correct… it’s not cute.

Be empowered my Highness, 👸🏾👑✊🏿

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#StudyingSociety:My hair, Your problem?| “It’s because your hair is not normal.”

“Define normal”, I asked.

You know that moment when people say these things that are not very smart and you start wondering if there’s bleach in their head?! Well that was one of them for me!

This is from a conversation that I had with a friend over coffee. On my work lanyard, I have a badge that say “Don’t touch my hair” because it is cool and also, somehow, people think it is a very much okay thing to do…. don’t ask!

So, we started discussing this and I was really trying to explain to him how weird that was. I also tried to tell him that funnily enough, this mainly happens to black women. He just could not see the problem. He came up with all kind of arguments such as it’s affectionate, it’s nothing  and so on and so forth. I refuted all of them. Aaaaaaand that’s when he hit me with the “it’s because your hair is not normal”. I almost hit the roof!

 

“What is normal hair? Please please, define normal for me! As far as I am concerned, my hair is normal for me and all the people that have the same type of hair as me think the same!”

He began stuttering. That was a nice load of rubbish what he ha just said. He realised it. Or so I thought.

I was quite blunt and asked him if his hair was normal and if so, why is that?

Is it the length? The texture? The colour?

Believe me or not but I could not understand where he was coming from! I had to remind him that he is Indian, for goodness sake.

What are we using as reference to normal hair? I would love to know.

img_4191

I really want people to stop making black girls, especially the ones with kinky, coarse hair, that their hair is not normal or not professional.

Do they need to be reminded that it is the hair that grows out of our scalp?

I have gone past the understanding and teaching point. I am fed up with it all now!

I want people to stop asking stupid questions about my hair! I also want them to stop touching my hair or reaching for it randomly. Is that too much to ask?

 

It doesn’t matter if your hair is natural or relaxed, long or short, real or not, nobody should be entering your personal space, trying to touch it just because they feel like it or because it is nice.

This is the type of thing I have to deal with almost everyday in my local area.

 

Be empowered my Highness, 👸🏾👑✊🏿

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#StudyingSociety: So… depression is not a white man’s disease?

I am asking in the same way many people think that sickle cell anaemia is a black people disease. That doesn’t make me ignorant… does it?

Hear where I am coming from… please!

In my 25 years of age, the vast majority of people suffering from depression that I have heard off or known are melanin deficient people. It is my observation. Do you have to agree? The answer is “no”. You may have had a different experience.

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Picture source: here

Twitter, blogs, YouTube and the internet in general have made me aware of all our black and other coloured people- young and old, suffering from depression and above all, willing to talk about it and asking for help.

 

Out of all these melaninated people, again the vast majority seems to be located in “western” countries or countries from the north hemisphere. Is depression then a “white man’s land disease”? Well…. let’s have a look at this map found online

depression-rate-statistics-world-map.png

Shocking! Or not! People from the red/amber/peach countries would have all the reasons to be depressed. Then, why is there this feeling that it is a disease for the white man?

Maybe it is that we don’t call it the same. Maybe we do suffer from it but when you are constantly in survival mode, you can’t let yourself feel down because of what people said about you or because of what people have.

As a black woman, I was raised and therefore grew up  with that mentality that things happen- whether you believe in God or any higher power or not-  and we must be go getter! In Haiti, things barely come to you served on a silver platter.

I know for a fact that some people think that black people that are feeling depressed here in England are “soft”. They have left that British mentality and way of doing things get to their head… whatever that means.

 

Now, I am no expert in depression and mental health issues and will never claim to be. Nor do I suffer from it. I just want to educate myself and understand what people go through. I see the brain as this amazing part of the human that brings forth so many questions.

Are you a PoC suffering from depression? Do you talk about it with people around you? How are you getting helped?

I want to encourage you and I pray that you are seeking and are able to find help. I declare full recovery over your life.

Be and remain empowered always 👑✊🏿👸🏾


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